Trying to hit my word count for today.  Supposed to be 750 words, but editted out some stuff, so I could post here.

I was just reading a blog post that really inspired me.  It was about a guy and his ex standing in a shopping mall looking down at all the people below.  He says to his ex, look at all those people, just going about their lives, each one with their own story.

This is so true, everyone, everyone has a story, one of their very own.

Kinda like bubbles.  Bubbles floating about bumping into each other, sometime meshing, sticking together, and then blowing apart.  some lives come together and then part.  Some only brush by, some paths will never cross.

I wonder about those that will never cross paths with me.  Most will never care that I exist, but reaching out to touch a few and make a connection, no matter how small, seems pretty cool to me.  (don't like the word "cool")  Seems important, a big thing, hullabaloo?

so maybe sending a few more smiles out into the universe.  a few more "pay it forward" moments.  Could be a very good thing.  A few more bright spots in someones dark day.

And if anything, a few more good hearted feelings to make me feel better when I'm feeling down.  Which seems to be quite a bit lately.

Feeling sad, feeling lonely and missing having friends that I can talk to. Ones that care and have time for me.  Ones that call or even send a text once a week to ask how I am.

Ok, just feeling sorry for myself.  PMS is already getting me down today.  Had my fill of sugar, just watching the clock until I can go snuggle my girl tonight.  A weekend with out her has made me miss her.

I need to shake the negative-ness.  Find some positive stuff to focus on.  Find some passion.  Instead of feeling depressed and introverted.

So I'm reaching.

---------
I need to learn.  I want to learn about writing.  About writing a character that is bold and unlike me.  I can't write a book about me.  It would be boring.  I need to learn to create a character that is bold and maybe obnoxious and interesting.  Boring is not interesting.  boring is done.

How do I do this?  How do I push my mind past boring.  Past my expectations, past my knowledge, jump into someone else's skin and give birth to this other being.

who are they.  Where are they from.  Where will they go?  Who do they know? Who do they interact with.  What is their story.

There is a character that I started thinking of, but I got scared of writing. One.  He's a he.  Male.  Two, I was loosely basing him on a religious character (whom I currently know nothing about, and they probably have nothing in common)  Three. It's kinda a super-natural theme.  Four.  My brain always makes me think it into a love-story.  Five. He's a he!

Maybe I should work on developing his character, even if its just to hit my word count here one day.

Fallen Angel. Fallen Archangel.  Bad boy.  Sent down to learn his lesson, yet only gets himself in more trouble on earth, starting major catastrophes, like wars, famines, etc.
(could start a war by meeting hitler once in his life and "suggesting" how he could take over the world.)

Maybe I'm afraid the people I know won't read my writing or will be opinionated about it.  I guess I shouldn't care about that.  This doesn't have to be my opinion.  It's just a story.  I'm sure many writers before me have said that exact thing.  It's just a story.

-------
hrm.  Learn to love myself.  Now there's a concept.  That's the trick. If I could do that, many, many things would be better, easier, happier, more exciting.  Why do I continue to make my life miserable by treating myself like I don't matter.

What is worse.  Abby will get this from me, if I don't fix it NOW.

I don't want a child with low self esteem.  I was one.  It was hell.

I want her to be out going and happy.  I want to be there to enjoy her happiness and love of life.  How do I break out and give her this gift of happiness?

How do I give this gift of happiness to myself?

Trying something...

New camera, which I love.  I want to see how much I can learn this month.  I found a 30 day photography challenge on Pinterest.  I want to see how many I can keep up with.

Day 1: Self-portrait.

Dreams coming true.

Well, I said that 2011 would be a year to make dreams come true.   And well, it was.  August 17th, we found out we were pregnant. Due April 25th.  And a week and a half early, on April 15, 2012, Abigail Ryanne was  born.


I still can't believe that she is here.  We are learning so much from her.  And every sleep deprived moment is completely worth it.  And she was completely worth the wait.


I look forward to every day with her and watching her grow.


So far it's the little things like her hair growing longer, real smiles instead of gassy ones and gaining strength to hold her head up on her own.


She is a miracle.  Our miracle.

Full Circles

coming around again.  another full circle.  Another end of a year.  I have been waking up to strange and amazing dreams lately.  They are almost like messages from a future self saying, 'Now is the time!'

It's time to do the work and acheieve my goals and make my dreams come true.

I feel like I've come full circle on who I currently am.  It's time to start anew and bring something great to the table. Someone who's more vibrant and alive.  I am ready.  I can do this.  I can live.

Time for a new life and a new year.  2011.

party

#Reverb10 December 9 prompt:

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.


I'm not much of a partier, but I do enjoy social gatherings when we do go out.  I think the best one this past year was surprising a work friend in the city.  We hadn't planned on going, but we turned up and surprised him anyway.  From there the shenanigans commenced.  From bar hopping to dancing to karaoke, it really was an amazing night.


Then there is always visits from my husband's best friend.  Whenever he is in town, we can be sure that a good time is always to be had.  Not to mention all the nights we went out when we were on vacation.  I loved just hanging out in the Granary or the Waterline in Leith with good company and good conversation.  It makes me miss Scotland even more to think of it now.

#reverb10 - doubling up.

December 6 – Make.

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

I make a lot of things.  Physically, it's usually a knitting project.  I think the last thing I finished was a christmas gift for my sister, and I'm currently working on one for my Mom. hopefully I'll finish before Christmas.

But there are tons of projects that I would love to start.  I just haven't found the time.  I would love to get back into art journaling and collage.  I've been thinking about it often.  Maybe in the new year, I can clear a space and some time for it.

Daily Prompt: December 5 – Let Go.

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I feel that I let go of a huge part of me that was consumed daily by jealousy.  A part of me that was utterly convinced that I was not good enough. But something clicked inside me early this year that said "let it go, you don't have a need for that anymore.  It's time to move on."

And so I did.  And I am worth it.

Growing up

When I turned 35, I was scared. I felt like my life was slipping away.  And sometimes I still do, but I think I've really come a long way this year in the "growing up" department.

I feel stronger and more capable.  I feel less burdened by little things like jealousy.  And I'm learning that I can control my emotions, my body and my life.

I'm also learning that I can't be everything to everyone.  I can't fix other people's problems.  I can only do so much.

I'm learning that it is ok to be selfish sometimes.  Because Me & Us time is VERY important.