Trying to hit my word count for today.  Supposed to be 750 words, but editted out some stuff, so I could post here.

I was just reading a blog post that really inspired me.  It was about a guy and his ex standing in a shopping mall looking down at all the people below.  He says to his ex, look at all those people, just going about their lives, each one with their own story.

This is so true, everyone, everyone has a story, one of their very own.

Kinda like bubbles.  Bubbles floating about bumping into each other, sometime meshing, sticking together, and then blowing apart.  some lives come together and then part.  Some only brush by, some paths will never cross.

I wonder about those that will never cross paths with me.  Most will never care that I exist, but reaching out to touch a few and make a connection, no matter how small, seems pretty cool to me.  (don't like the word "cool")  Seems important, a big thing, hullabaloo?

so maybe sending a few more smiles out into the universe.  a few more "pay it forward" moments.  Could be a very good thing.  A few more bright spots in someones dark day.

And if anything, a few more good hearted feelings to make me feel better when I'm feeling down.  Which seems to be quite a bit lately.

Feeling sad, feeling lonely and missing having friends that I can talk to. Ones that care and have time for me.  Ones that call or even send a text once a week to ask how I am.

Ok, just feeling sorry for myself.  PMS is already getting me down today.  Had my fill of sugar, just watching the clock until I can go snuggle my girl tonight.  A weekend with out her has made me miss her.

I need to shake the negative-ness.  Find some positive stuff to focus on.  Find some passion.  Instead of feeling depressed and introverted.

So I'm reaching.

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I need to learn.  I want to learn about writing.  About writing a character that is bold and unlike me.  I can't write a book about me.  It would be boring.  I need to learn to create a character that is bold and maybe obnoxious and interesting.  Boring is not interesting.  boring is done.

How do I do this?  How do I push my mind past boring.  Past my expectations, past my knowledge, jump into someone else's skin and give birth to this other being.

who are they.  Where are they from.  Where will they go?  Who do they know? Who do they interact with.  What is their story.

There is a character that I started thinking of, but I got scared of writing. One.  He's a he.  Male.  Two, I was loosely basing him on a religious character (whom I currently know nothing about, and they probably have nothing in common)  Three. It's kinda a super-natural theme.  Four.  My brain always makes me think it into a love-story.  Five. He's a he!

Maybe I should work on developing his character, even if its just to hit my word count here one day.

Fallen Angel. Fallen Archangel.  Bad boy.  Sent down to learn his lesson, yet only gets himself in more trouble on earth, starting major catastrophes, like wars, famines, etc.
(could start a war by meeting hitler once in his life and "suggesting" how he could take over the world.)

Maybe I'm afraid the people I know won't read my writing or will be opinionated about it.  I guess I shouldn't care about that.  This doesn't have to be my opinion.  It's just a story.  I'm sure many writers before me have said that exact thing.  It's just a story.

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hrm.  Learn to love myself.  Now there's a concept.  That's the trick. If I could do that, many, many things would be better, easier, happier, more exciting.  Why do I continue to make my life miserable by treating myself like I don't matter.

What is worse.  Abby will get this from me, if I don't fix it NOW.

I don't want a child with low self esteem.  I was one.  It was hell.

I want her to be out going and happy.  I want to be there to enjoy her happiness and love of life.  How do I break out and give her this gift of happiness?

How do I give this gift of happiness to myself?