Full Circles

coming around again.  another full circle.  Another end of a year.  I have been waking up to strange and amazing dreams lately.  They are almost like messages from a future self saying, 'Now is the time!'

It's time to do the work and acheieve my goals and make my dreams come true.

I feel like I've come full circle on who I currently am.  It's time to start anew and bring something great to the table. Someone who's more vibrant and alive.  I am ready.  I can do this.  I can live.

Time for a new life and a new year.  2011.

party

#Reverb10 December 9 prompt:

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.


I'm not much of a partier, but I do enjoy social gatherings when we do go out.  I think the best one this past year was surprising a work friend in the city.  We hadn't planned on going, but we turned up and surprised him anyway.  From there the shenanigans commenced.  From bar hopping to dancing to karaoke, it really was an amazing night.


Then there is always visits from my husband's best friend.  Whenever he is in town, we can be sure that a good time is always to be had.  Not to mention all the nights we went out when we were on vacation.  I loved just hanging out in the Granary or the Waterline in Leith with good company and good conversation.  It makes me miss Scotland even more to think of it now.

#reverb10 - doubling up.

December 6 – Make.

What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

I make a lot of things.  Physically, it's usually a knitting project.  I think the last thing I finished was a christmas gift for my sister, and I'm currently working on one for my Mom. hopefully I'll finish before Christmas.

But there are tons of projects that I would love to start.  I just haven't found the time.  I would love to get back into art journaling and collage.  I've been thinking about it often.  Maybe in the new year, I can clear a space and some time for it.

Daily Prompt: December 5 – Let Go.

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

I feel that I let go of a huge part of me that was consumed daily by jealousy.  A part of me that was utterly convinced that I was not good enough. But something clicked inside me early this year that said "let it go, you don't have a need for that anymore.  It's time to move on."

And so I did.  And I am worth it.

Growing up

When I turned 35, I was scared. I felt like my life was slipping away.  And sometimes I still do, but I think I've really come a long way this year in the "growing up" department.

I feel stronger and more capable.  I feel less burdened by little things like jealousy.  And I'm learning that I can control my emotions, my body and my life.

I'm also learning that I can't be everything to everyone.  I can't fix other people's problems.  I can only do so much.

I'm learning that it is ok to be selfish sometimes.  Because Me & Us time is VERY important.

Found

Something has transformed in me.  Something great.  Something beautiful and something bright.  The darkness has finally cleared away from my eyes and now I see clearer.  I see me.  I SEE ME.  I feel differently about myself.  I feel happier.  I'm still on a journey, and I always will be, but I've shed the cloak of sap and sorrow that I kept for so long.

It's finally time for me to shine.  It's finally time for me to be comfortable with me.  It's finally time for me to LIVE.

I started taking dance fitness classes about a month ago.  And they have really been great.  But there is one class that recharges me and fills my soul with peace.  It's called IntenSATI.  The instructor takes us through a series of movements and we repeat a set of affirmations after her as we are moving (and sweating!).

Everyday.
In a very true way.
I co-create my reality.

As above, so is below.
This is what I know.

This month our focus is "Success".  We focus on succeeding in  our lives, in our tasks, in our dreams.  My focus right now has been on my health and family.  So I spend a lot of my brain power focusing on these things.

I feel proud of myself for making the steps that I have.  I feel proud of my accomplishments.  And I look forward to the possibilities of my future.

Namaste.

Lost

Sometimes I feel like I've got it.  I know what I need to do and I can do it.  And a moment later, it can all fall apart.  I can have a dream or a goal and rather than making it happen I will sit and wish and hope and dream and  watch as the dream slowly goes away.  I know, it isn't going to happen magically by itself.  But nothing seems to motivate me.  Nothing.  And I feel lost and overwhelmed with everything I want and hope and dream for.

so many dreams... I want so much.  Maybe I want too much.  And everything feels just out of reach.

March was stressful and threw me for a loop.  I thought April would be better and it has been, but not creatively or productively towards dreams.  April has been detrimental because it's my birth month. And while usually I look forward to it, this was the first year I did not.  Instead I'm just feeling old and run down and feel like my life if going no where.

I know this is just a rutt, and it won't last.  But is sure is sticking around and bringing me down.

rough days

They will happen.  Today was one of them.  And unfortunately when I have a stressful day, it makes my day twice as long and twice as hard.  I'm unable to focus and concentrate on my work.  I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper.  My chest felt tight.  I wanted to run away from my responsibilities.

But tonight I come home and i'm far away from all of that.  With someone who loves me completely and supports me.

And at the end of the end I have to remember to turn the bad days around, look back and see that I can do things differently.  Pick myself up, find new ways to make things easier, make it a challenge.  make it an adventure.  Turn it all around.  For the better.